Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh!
Getting married has become more and more difficult in today’s age and people rush to get their nikkah done with whomever they can find. However, don’t rush! It’s important to see if the other person matches your ideologies, especially when it comes to deen. Here are some questions you can ask that may help you understand your potential before you tie the knot! These are not just questions for arranged marriages, but even good to ask if you’re in a relationship (which I really hope you’re not!)
- What is your priority in life?
- Who would you consider your best friend and why?
- What are your interests?
- What does your day look like?
- What do expect from marriage?
- What would you expect from your spouse?
- What can you offer in marriage?
- What are some of your goals in life?
- How would you describe yourself?
- How is your relationship with God?
- How would you describe your ideal family life?
- What do you do in your free time?
- Discuss any aspect of life you want your children to succeed in and why?
- What priorities would you give your children?
- Do you consider yourself a family man/woman?
- Ask fiqh questions applicable to you
- ex: Do you eat non-zabiha meat?
- ex: Do you support a working wife?
- Why do you want to get married?
- What do you consider your greatest achievements?
- Can you uphold the voice of justice when there is a conflict between your spouse and your family (i.e., not get defensive and/or scared to speak up)?
- How will you try to treat my family?
- What is something that inspires you from your parent’s marriage?
- What are some negative things you see in common marriages that you want to avoid in your marriage?
- How do you think children should be disciplined?
- What do you believe are the traditional role of the husband and wife that we should follow? Is there anything we should leave behind?
- What would you do to try to solve an argument?
- How do you deal with anger?
- What are some things that frustrate you?
- What if we have a difference of opinion about an Islamic ruling?
- How would you support me in a stressful situation?
- What advice would you give to your younger self?
- What do you consider an ideal version of yourself?
- How has Islam impacted/shaped your life?
- What is your favorite thing about Islam?
- What are some commitments you want to keep in marriage?
- What are some ways you want to improve yourself?
- How important is family-time for you?
- How will you balance your time with work (if applicable), friends, and family?
- How would you treat me as your spouse?
This is a list merely for inspiration. Of course, don’t bombard your potential with questions. Maybe play a game of rapid fire or 20 questions to keep things mellow and fun!
However, when it comes to marriage, it is more important for you to do istikhara and put your trust in Allah.
May Allah bless us with righteous spouses, children, and friends, ameen!